Being Great

I think, like the disciples, I have a problem with wanting to be great. We all want to be recognized. We want the world to see our best and be impressed. When I was young I wanted to be a singer, talent wasn't a factor, I would daydream of being on stage. Reality set in, I am not talented enough to be a singer. OK then. How about writing? Yes, I will write a book, become famous and travel the world. I don't have time to write a book, and there are a lot of books out there, not sure if I could make it.

I become a little more desperate, let me do something, be something more than what I am. What I am is a wife, mother, homeschooler, Sunday School teacher. That's it, I can't claim any great success. I've tried to get part time work in the adoption world with my social work degree and even that hasn't happened. I am that stay at home mom who no longer puts makeup on everyday, drives a minivan, and whose diaper bag is full of crumbs.

Really, I don't need reassurances that what I do is important... I know it is. I know by pouring out to my family I am doing the best I can for them. It doesn't make me feel great though. Today though I was reading in Luke 9 and this caught my attention, although I have read it scores of times:

⁴⁶ Then a dispute arose among them as to which of them would be greatest. ⁴⁷ And Jesus, perceiving the thought of their heart, took a little child and set him by Him, ⁴⁸ and said to them, “Whoever receives this little child in My name receives Me; and whoever receives Me receives Him who sent Me. For he who is least among you all will be great.”

I don't understand how it can be, but the Lord definitely spoke to my heart that by staying home with my children I am great in His eyes. Jesus sees things differently than we do, and since He is God He must see better than we do. It is a complete change in ideological framework. You are great for taking care of your children and other children. He did not say you are great if you sing on stage, write books, are well known in your field, or are a traveling speaker who command great audiences. You are great when you care for "the least of these." Changing diapers, wiping noses, teaching math, cooking dinner, giving hugs, doing laundry, and changing diapers (I have two in diapers so I can list it twice) all make you great. I am repeating myself because I am sure I don't get it. But, while I don't get it, I do love it. I love that God sees me, and I pray I can be content with being great in His eyes, not caring what others see.

Deeper

In a time of trial there were moments when this lake was a great comfort to me. It's not the prettiest lake, but I could reach it in less than ten minutes. I could get away and peace seemed to breathe through me. I know it was a gift from God for that season, He knew I needed something tangible. Sometimes I would want to submerge myself in that lake. I wanted in it and to feel it all around me. The sober reality is that feeling of being submerged and surrounded could only last as long as I could hold my breath.

Do you know you can live that way with Jesus? I haven't mastered it. I've had times of feeling "intimately intoxicated," as Vicky Bentley aptly put it, with the love and presence of God. There can be times when one child is having a tantrum on the floor, supper is trying to be cooked, and other children are asking seemingly irrelevant questions and I'm swept away by the love of God that makes me feel more beautiful than anything on earth.

Then there are times like the Shulamite in Song of Solomon when I say "I have taken off my robe; How can I put it on again? I have washed my feet; How can I defile them?" In other words, not now. And then I miss out.

I've decided that the only way to live godly is to be filled with the Holy Spirit every day and strive to go deeper in this relationship with Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit. The second verse, and first words of the song in Song of Solomon say "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— For your love is better than wine." God's love has been better than wine to me. And, if you want more of that come with me on this journey.